How to raise a monster

First, give birth to a human being. Second, attempt to raise him or her. That's all you really have to do in order to have created your own mini-monster.

Once you buy her a pink dress or take him to his first soccer match, he or she will begin entering the vicious cycle. They will, little by little, lose their natural spontaneity and make the observation that is hard to miss — there is, in fact, a he and a she. It’s present in every language and in every society with different and contextual variations. If you do not point it out yourself, his or her school, friends and surrounding environment will soon make it impossible to ignore.

There are two molds that one needs to fit into in order to be accepted by society: the damsel in distress or Super Mario fighting off the dragon. But there will come a day when you realize that in playing the gender game, we have all become that monstrous dragon.

Man up!

When asked what they would want to be when they grow up, there is a reason why most boys answer “a policeman.” The term is associated with power, dominance and violence — traits that are socially favorable to men. But what choice do they have? It is said that men commit 80 percent of the world’s violent crimes. But does that mean males have violence in their inherent nature and women don’t? I personally doubt that.

Not only does society define gender norms and roles by identifying characteristics and actions that are male-appropriate and others that are female-appropriate, but it also quantifies masculinity by describing a person to be “less masculine” or “more masculine.” This puts enormous pressure on both men and women to live up to inhumane expectations. Not only does a man need to be competitive, violent, dominant, economically successful and unemotional, but there is also the pressure of being an alpha male, the most dominant and most masculine. As those boys grow to be men, they learn that in order to be a man, you must be the manliest.  

To speak of masculinity is to speak of gender relations. It has nothing to do with equality except for the fact that both women and men have been oppressed by having to play and live up to certain gender roles.  Masculinities are embodied in institutions, culture and in personal life. Masculinities are dynamic and constantly change. One of the ultimate goals of masculinity studies is to give men and women a chance to challenge gender hierarchy and break social norms by realizing that both men and women need to be actively involved in creating a new balance that saves individuality — and I dare say humanity — to simply destroy the monsters living inside us.

The project

Beginning in May 2014, Nazra for Feminist Studies teamed up with the BuSSy project in hopes of producing a performance piece that would discuss the concept of masculinity in the context of Egyptian society. For three months, a storytelling workshop was held for a group of Egyptian men and women to collect true stories around many key points, such as masculinity and economic power, masculinity and violence, male roles and family power dynamics.

The product of this workshop was initially a work in progress that toured in Assiut, Alexandria and Suez. The performance was received differently according to the nature of each governorate. An open-mic performance was also conducted in some cities, where young men and women shared their own personal stories.

“It hurts the most when I walk beside my younger sister at night, and feel that she is scared. Deep down I know she feels I am not man enough,” said a 21-year-old man from Assiut.

“I was always told I was a man. It was supposed to be a compliment. But I always wanted to yell back at their faces: ‘I am a girl, why am I not allowed to be a girl?’” said an 18-year-old girl from Suez.

The performance

Seeing director Sondos Shabayek work with the rest of the crew on the final touches of the sound, set design and light makes me occasionally forget how real it all was, how real it all is. Seeing the storytellers move on stage and tell their stories in an entertaining fashion makes me almost forget each story is true. All the violence, fear, memories and pain was and is still happening on a daily basis. It might not be easy to open our eyes, observe and try to comprehend what it is really like to live under such a heavy burden. However, reality is even more violently cruel and monstrous.

“3ash Ya Wahsh” (Long Live the Monster) is a colloquial phrase commonly used by men, especially in gymnasiums, to praise a man for being butch or strong.

Join us on Friday, October 24, 2014, at the Townhouse Rawabet Theater at 6 pm or 8 pm to watch the final run of an eye-opening performance about masculinity in the context of Egyptian society.